Stockholm feat. the Crazy French Anarchist

Right well Stockholm.

Found all hostels full because me and Liverpool lass (whom will instantly ripp your throat out and protest that its actually Formby) had arrived on the eve of the start of the Tall Ships Races so everyone and there 3rd cousin had booked all the hostels. So it was to the camping ground thats actuall a sports stadium for us, we got there and it started to fucking pour like you've never seen, got thorughly soaked. Naturaly it stopped the intant my tent was up and then started again as soon as I'd a shower. Twating arse weather coming over from Britain.

Whilst watching him cook meatballs and chips in the same frying pan' a Crazy Fench guy asked us if we fancied hiring a canoe with him as its meant to be the best way to see stockholm. We agree to do it in a couple of days.

Next day had a nice look around Stockholm, went in the National Museum, the receptionist basically told us to sod off cus there were closing in like 45 minutes! Bitch was ignored.

Turns out some big Swedish director had died that day cus a news crew interviewed me about his "influnence" admitted not having the faintist idea who he was but "arty farty" types in England probably due.

Its a nice place, fairly big but prob not bigger than Sheffield.

The Canoe Chronicles

• Hired one canadian canoe for about a tenner each (not bad by scandinavian standards)
• Paddled around immediate area like everyone else
• Headed up river
• Avoided paying at lock by carrying canoe up 2 flights of stairs , across to busy main roads, avoiding a bus in the process, back down another flight of steps, put canoe back in water, paddled off on merry way
• Got picture taken during this by a couple of hundred Japanese tourists...
• Realised there wasa tunnel
• Paddled umpteen kilometers upstream into the wind stopping at various "beaches" on the way to admire the view.
• Hurled abuse at arsehole speedbaoter who tried to capsize us.
• Used Crazy Frenchie's (who's name I cant pronounce) swiss tool to lop down a small tree to make a mast
• Scavenged some shoe lace form the inside of a locked beach hut. Avoided prying OAP during this as methods may not have been entirely legal.
• used one times Trix's coat to make sail.
• paddled further upstream, stop at another island, explore, took Frecnhie's shortcut back to boat eg walk in straight line thorugh bracken brambles etc etc...
• Flipped a coin to decide on heading back or further upstream
• Paddled back down stream.
• Raised mast to discover wind had buggered off... typical
• Paddled like a nymph to a brothel to avoid approaching rainstorm.
• Found shelter/bar just in time
• Had a pint, explained the mast to locals
• Got canoe stuck between fence and vertical girder avoiding lock again. Covered everything in pigeon shit. Gave Frenchie 2 fingers for getting it on my coat. . .and nose.
• Found jeti gate locked.
• Ate liquorice and flumps while waiting for frenchie to return from breaking into restricted lock operating area to collar lock keeper for key.
• Find out lock keeper thought our morning escapaded crossing the rode was quite funny!
• Laughed at Liverpool lass for getting locked on the shore side of the gate cus she went to the toilet!
• Told her to wait 50 feet down side of dock where escape ladder was. (assumed "yes" meant "I understand what a foot is"
• Found said lass 50 Yards further down dock after having to climb ladder and vaulted locked gate.
• Showed Liverpool lass where we actually meant. Explained what a foot was and found gate now open after Frenchie had been twatting it with a paddle.
• Got collared by coastguard, made big gestures towards river where we going and not the main ferry shipping lane. Paddled off before getting reply.
• Got a lot of attention fomr Tall Ships crews as we paddled past. Exchnaged taunts and general hollering. Also entertained on looking Tall Ships tourists (with cameras) with mast lashed to rear of canoe with coat/sail on.
• Returned canoe with mast attached to hire place. Walked off calmly & squelching from being piss wet through!

Ended up cooking dinner on hexastove using bits of Daily Mail, a tea light and some bike inner tube for fuel cus I'd used it all up in Norway and cant get it out here. Bought a pocket Trangia the next day and farted about with double headed battle axe in a shop!

During a session of cards and vodka, Liverpool Lass cohersed me into to going to Finland on a 12 hour ferry the next day. I was aiming to be in Poland 2 days previously.

Still to come: The Finland Ferry! stay tuned cus I need a piss!

Achtung

Well its been a few days since I put anything up so its gonna be a long one, just so ya know & you might see why its been so long.

So I'm now in München (that's Munich to you non-foreign speakers) =P

So how did I end up here well here goes.

From Bodo which is here i was last time I got an express boat to the Lofoten Islands and a place called Svolvaer, upon getting there I'm told the nearest camping place is about 3km out of town...unless I could find somewhere 150m from any fence or road cus then I could wildcamp...but I wanted a shower...´cause I was starting to pong.....now 3km isn't far...at all.
What the wench in the Tourist Info didn't mention was the fact that it was all up arsing hill to get there. A ball sweating hour later I got there (about 23:00) and it was still broad daylight cus of the midnight sun (the sun in the summer in the arctic doesn't qite get to the horizon when it sets so it never goes dark)

Slept in my kegs even though it was the arctic...no need for any blankets or sleeping fully clothed malarky. =D

Next morning/lunchtime headed back down to harbour to get a ferry to Narvik which is where the trains run from to Sweden. The only ferry that day left a good 4 hours previously at the un-earthly hour of 08:30. Well that's just pissing arse twat typical. dossed about in harbour area for a good 5 hours before giving in to the inevitable trek back to campsite back up that bastard hill cus there were some ruff folks starting to knock around in the harbour where I was just going to crash down for the night.

Didn't miss the boat (well bath tub with a fucking big engine cus it went like an alcoholic to the offy about on Giro day!) the next morning though =P

Narvik - international shipping lane with a couple of houses and, more importantly, a train to Sweden/the Ulrika Johnson Undercrackers Museum <<---- doesn't actally exist.

Kiruna, Sweden (finally) - it was still in the arctic!. has the only non-military sapce center in the world, was gonna go have a look but the next morning it was pissing it down so I didnt.
The town has a staggering 2 hostels, both fully booked a bazillion years in advance. The Blonde/hot recpetionist at the second one learnt some new english words: Arse bastarding twat.

Found a campsite though! woooo! so glad I bought a tent. It had a bar (and another hot receptionist - she wasn't blonde either!) ended up explaining what Sourz (including how to say it!) to some pissed up whiskey drinking Swedish southerners.
Next day bumped into English lass from Norway again at the station. She was going to Finland but got the night train to Stockholm with me instead. (Left my shades in the damn waiting room)

17 hours later! and a game of musical chairs that featured me nearly biting some jumped up pre pubescant little twats face of (it was breakfast time aswell) for evicting me out of seat when it wasn't even his seat to start with (OK so I was sprawled acorss 3 seats to start with), then having the blatant cheek to TRY and evict me from his actual reserved seat! I settled for being a sarcastic twat when he bumped his elbow on the table showing off my jumping up to luggage rack every 2 seconds.

"awwww, did that hurt. Oh dear"

"do ya need ya mummy to kiss it better?"

"want an elastoplast?"

Oh he soon stopped being a cunt, looked quite upset actually, tragic!


Right kiddies I need a short rest after that little lot but stay tuned because still to come, Stockholm feat. the crazy french anarchist & The Finland Chapter.

Eskimos & Vikings

Well I've covered a mile or 2 since Friday, been to Oslo, got followed by a nice gang of yobs (just like the chavs back home really) ditching into a hotel lobby seemed to get rid of the little bleeders. Anyhoo Oslo was nice, nice and warm as well.
The hostel (with a nice lass working behind the counter) served Newcy brown imported but only mini bottles. Which was nice.
Managed to blast off up to a place called Trondheim the next day after talking to a black dude from DC in the US. Nice guy, think he was stoned!

Now the plan was to get to Trondheim and get over the border to the slightly cheaper Sweden but there wasa night train for this place I'm at now called Bodø (bor-der) which happens to be about 76 degrees North.

Thats right I'm in the Arctic!!!!! wooooooooooo, it's just like a spring day with the sun out.

Going a bit further North today by boat cus the railway don't go further North, then across to Kiruna in Sweden. Means a couple of nights in the arctic so might get a bit chilly later on.

I was wanting to get out of Norway fast because, to be honest, its a bit boring, nice landscape but that's about it. Well until I met a lass from Bristol uni that used to live in Kuwait on the train. Was nice talking to someone non-foreign and she was quite hot.... She's off upto to Tromsø which is a bit too far North/expensive a trip for me so that's that.

Anyhoo, that's enough for now got a boat to catch.

S'laters

PS Got a copy of the Daily Mail on saturday....poor southern people, hope they can swim!

PPS Also saw a passenger plane get escorted to the local airport by an F-16 this morning whilst sat on the quay side enjoying my Wheetos breakfast accompanied with a beer, naturally.... =P

And so it Begins

Well after getting up in the middle of the night (4:30!!) I touched down in Bergen Norway. (the lass in the passport control booth was, how you might say - pleasing. The plane over, well turbulance doesn't come close but what d'ya expect for a dirt cheap flight. which unlike this expensive country (Norway) was bearable
funny keys on keyboard = ø æ å lol

Off to Oslo soon then North to Trondheim follwed by the arctic circle. the quicker i get to Poland the better for my wallet, 90p for a bloody stamp. arse.
anyhoo, its about 21 degrees and the sun is shining so its all good and the local beer is a nice tipple (be it an expensive one) wonder if they've heard of Gordon "Mugger" Brown???
rate im offski. no photos unfortunatley as i dont have a digital camera with me.


S'laters people.

Canno Branno! !

I got really bored at work the other day so I created a new super hero.....................

.................this is the story of the creation of Canno Branno!

Branno is doodle-ated!.......

........Branno gets a body........

......Branno gets some limbs.......





......Branno gains armour plating & becomes.....

CANNO BRANNO!

Budapest! - Sziget Festival

Well dudes & dudettes,

One friday night in the D 'n' R (the old pub before it moved) sat me & Dan supping a fair few pints of the good stuff when i mentioned an 8 day music festival in Budapest, Hungary...on an island!!!!!

Along came August and, well, shit me sideways it was a fecking awesome place to be; 24 hour bars (all 48 of them on one island!) dirt cheap festival beer and it wasn't watered down, cheap food, Tesco tents!! absoultley every music type you can think of was there: : : :

• Indie
• Folk
• Gypsy
• Latin/Afro Caribbean
• METAL! ! ! !
• Ska
• Reggae
• Drum n Base
• Soul
• Blues
• Jazz
• Classical
• Emo
• Dance
• Trance
• Punk

you get the general idea.... - and there were big bands to match the music: : :

• Rasmus
• Cathedral
• Exploited
• Ministry (just happened to wander past when they were playing!)
• Cradle of Filth (people were moshing in sandles!! WTF!!! crazy fools)
  
• PRODIGY
• Iggy & the Stooges
• Glen Matlock
• Radiohead (they were too quiet & shit)
• Placebo
• Leningrad (russian! ska)
• Roger Sanchez (i think...)

They're just the ones i can remember (nothing to do with drinking too much....honest!)

On top of all that, hot women from all over the place (even Sheffield!) ...everywhere you looked!
It really was a fecking experience.

Can't forget to mention Matt the Aussie though (he's probably off watching the cricket in some exotic country some where.... we met him in Luton airport and as he was a veteran of festivals and the like he showed the places to be for the best partying. Pretty much anywhere on the island was good for it so long as there was a bar really.

Anyhoo some pics of the festival c/o Matt the Aussie & the Festival Photographers.

Iggy & the Stooges

The VIP bar
(that's Matt the Aussie in the top left corner)

The Prodigy crowd for the Comms Tower
(the really small union flag on the balcony is us!

OK so I may have drank a
tad too much by the 8th day...

There was, of course, some antics aswell:::

• Really pissing people (inc. Security Guards) off ambushing them with water pistols (filled with water/beer. Was even funnier when it was the Security Guards borrowing our pistols to attack their mates....
• Telling the food serving lady I wanted 3 rat-dogs.... and getting them for free!
• Causing several ££ of damage to tents walking back to my own in a "straight" line
• Waking Sheffield Uni students up at 4.30am just cus they asked us not to!
• Attacking a TV camera cus the camera man started to hit me to get out of his shot.
• Invading a TV studio mid broadcast....
• Setting fire to a stereo cus we couldn't be arsed to bring it home (see video)
• Calling out "which dirty bastard's just farted cus it stinks" very loudly on the plane home
  
  
  
  
  

A few months later, we were a couple of hundred pounds lighter in our wallets sat back in the

D 'n' R (the new one this time) drinking Budvar.

Roll on next summer!


Laters,

Welcome

Hey, thanks for visiting Trix©orp Industries.
As you can see my blog (I'm Trix btw- well no shit sherlock) isn't quite finshed....well ok so I haven't actually done much to it yet.
There will be some shizzle nizzle on here soon though so be sure to stick me in your favourites & re-visit every so often.

Laters,


P.S in the mean time ya can get an idea of what I'm all about etc... at

www.trixcorpindustries.tk (ok so its a myspace...)