Coming soon to Trix©orp Industries:
Why I Distrust Politicians and the HM Government.
Just got to check my sources for some of the content I've written.
ETA the next time I've nothing better to do and sat JC's with my laptop...when it's actaully got some battery left.
Watch this space kiddies,
17 Feb 2008
18 Oct 2007
Guide to Cheap Living
Ø When there’s always at least one space free either side of you in lectures, its time to have a shower.
Ø Use a little bit of everyone else’s shower gel each time (this should stop them noticing.
Ø Never take any change when catching the bus, there’s always a good friend on hand to help.
Ø Walk/Cycle/Hitchhike everywhere.
Ø Food without blue & white stripes is too expensive.
Ø Always offer to make other people a brew. They’ll assume you used your own milk/sugar/tea bag; so use there’s! (This also works with washing up liquid etc…)
Ø The 4 levels of boxer shorts:
o Level 1 – Clean pair out of the draw
o Level 2 – Cleanest smelling pair in laundry basket
o Level 3 – Turned inside out
o Level 4 – Go commando.
Ø When signing forms; keep the pen.
Ø Keep old copies of The Metro. Once you’ve used everyone else’s bog roll - Read & “recycle”
Ø Befriend foreign students and explain pub “etiquette” and drinking customs.
Ø Air freshener is cheap than deodorant.
Ø Convert old trousers to shorts.
Ø Create a “budget” with Excel for use when negotiating with
Ø The canteen is an excellent resource for sugar, salt, pepper & cutlery.
Ø Use McDonald’s/Subway vouchers found on the back of bus tickets.
Ø Drink with half pissed people, they’re much more likely to forget it’s your round. (Works best if you buy first round). Move on to next boozer if they start to get wise.
Ø Blag discounts on anything & everything by getting the battered tin of beans you can find. (Discreet DIY may be required).
Ø Attend careers/religious fairs to stock on freebies and samples. (prepare some kind of theological argument to avoid becoming one of “Them”)
Ø Convince people they’ll get fat/ill when they’re eating or gross them out. Bon Appetite! (also good for a diverse diet)
Ø Check into NHS Rehab over the summer.
Ø Choose a course that features a trip to a foreign country. Stock up on cheap tobacco/alcohol.
Please note that the author neither supports nor condones some of the behaviours described above and will not accept liability for anyone copying or mimicking the contents of this post.
The above information is provided solely for the entertainment of the reader.
24 Aug 2007
Buda-Quest part III
So yes I know I'm still like 2 weeks behind with this but I'm doing my best to keep the beer to post ratio at a good level! =D
Right so, 4 hours! after staggering out of the metro station still pissed the train to budapest rolls in and I promptly find (what I thought was my seat) and crash out, got woken up by the lasses who's seats I was sprawled across. They were nice (and cute!) so I didn't mind having to move too much, 3 seconds after finding another chair it was ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ time again.
Every so often I'd wake up, have a chat with the 2 lasses and doye off again so it was a pretty nice train ride......but then the restaurant car destroyed all that,
I sat down havign a ponder at the menu and the waiter was basically sat on me waiting for my order.
So I order something and he starts shouting at me in German about it being breakfast only - that's wahat I fucking wanted you uber-efficient prick, some breakfast but oh no he can't do that can he cus that would be helpful. I went back to bed/to my seat still hungry the arsehole. I'd only asked for a bloody omlette and he'd had a bloody tantrum.
Budapest
Found the hostel (if you can call it that) eventually after lugging my kit down a bloody great big and then up the other side of it only to find that it was actually only 10 metres away from where I'd started! Too hot and hungover to care though.
The hostel was a fucking joke, basically they rent out the student halls but these halls were shite! 1 key for the dorm (which didn't actaully lock) and I'd have got a better shower if I'd paid someone to piss it a callander over my head....at least that would have been warm!
Did meet some pretty cool (they gave me beer! =D ) swiss lasses and some cool aussies in my dorm, all of them were headed for Sziget!!
Next stop SZIGET!!!
Right so, 4 hours! after staggering out of the metro station still pissed the train to budapest rolls in and I promptly find (what I thought was my seat) and crash out, got woken up by the lasses who's seats I was sprawled across. They were nice (and cute!) so I didn't mind having to move too much, 3 seconds after finding another chair it was ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ time again.
Every so often I'd wake up, have a chat with the 2 lasses and doye off again so it was a pretty nice train ride......but then the restaurant car destroyed all that,
I sat down havign a ponder at the menu and the waiter was basically sat on me waiting for my order.
So I order something and he starts shouting at me in German about it being breakfast only - that's wahat I fucking wanted you uber-efficient prick, some breakfast but oh no he can't do that can he cus that would be helpful. I went back to bed/to my seat still hungry the arsehole. I'd only asked for a bloody omlette and he'd had a bloody tantrum.
Budapest
Found the hostel (if you can call it that) eventually after lugging my kit down a bloody great big and then up the other side of it only to find that it was actually only 10 metres away from where I'd started! Too hot and hungover to care though.
The hostel was a fucking joke, basically they rent out the student halls but these halls were shite! 1 key for the dorm (which didn't actaully lock) and I'd have got a better shower if I'd paid someone to piss it a callander over my head....at least that would have been warm!
Did meet some pretty cool (they gave me beer! =D ) swiss lasses and some cool aussies in my dorm, all of them were headed for Sziget!!
Next stop SZIGET!!!
20 Aug 2007
The Quest Continues...
Munich aka beer central!
Found a hostel called WOMBATS! Fucking yes! Awesome! (hot receptionist aswell =P)
First things being third... a food hunt was on. Found a place called Goulash Grill...
...did they serve goulash??.. did they bollocks..fucking con. ended up with stuffed raw peppers! Wasn't too bad but I wanted fucking goulash! bastards.
Happy hour in the Wom-Bar (no really the hostel was full of really cheesey puns) became happy session eg 5 hours...
Got talking to a hot Aussie lass, wel actauklly she started talking to me, she had a boyfriend....damn!
Then Me, a Geordie, some canadians and some yanks trundled /staggered off to Hofbrauhausen beer HALL!!
Its the big famous one where Hitler gave some of early speeches.
Beer was only served in 1 litre ....erm...glass bucket like tankards! and for 6 euros a pop (although I scammed some of mine of the others =D) it was pretty cheap... oh yes I was shitfaced....
.....but it didn't stop there, oh no kiddies, there were fountains on the way back to the hostel/late bar next door!
Now being a Brit and pissed up in Germany they was an almost obligatory "running with arms out like a plane singing The Dambusters March" through this fountains, the locals didn't luck happy.....so I did it again!!! =S
At least I wasn't doing a John Cleese impersonation! that would just be rude!
Needless to say getting to bed at 4:30am meant the next day was particularly hungover.
The Morning After...
Got talking to one of the scousers in my dorm.
Scouser: what d'ya do at home then mate?"
Trix: "Aerospace Engineering. You?"
Scouser: "Special forces...SBS."
Trix: "ermmmmmmmmmmm"
Found a hostel called WOMBATS! Fucking yes! Awesome! (hot receptionist aswell =P)
First things being third... a food hunt was on. Found a place called Goulash Grill...
...did they serve goulash??.. did they bollocks..fucking con. ended up with stuffed raw peppers! Wasn't too bad but I wanted fucking goulash! bastards.
Happy hour in the Wom-Bar (no really the hostel was full of really cheesey puns) became happy session eg 5 hours...
Got talking to a hot Aussie lass, wel actauklly she started talking to me, she had a boyfriend....damn!
Then Me, a Geordie, some canadians and some yanks trundled /staggered off to Hofbrauhausen beer HALL!!
Its the big famous one where Hitler gave some of early speeches.
Beer was only served in 1 litre ....erm...glass bucket like tankards! and for 6 euros a pop (although I scammed some of mine of the others =D) it was pretty cheap... oh yes I was shitfaced....
.....but it didn't stop there, oh no kiddies, there were fountains on the way back to the hostel/late bar next door!
Now being a Brit and pissed up in Germany they was an almost obligatory "running with arms out like a plane singing The Dambusters March" through this fountains, the locals didn't luck happy.....so I did it again!!! =S
At least I wasn't doing a John Cleese impersonation! that would just be rude!
Needless to say getting to bed at 4:30am meant the next day was particularly hungover.
The Morning After...
Got talking to one of the scousers in my dorm.
Scouser: what d'ya do at home then mate?"
Trix: "Aerospace Engineering. You?"
Scouser: "Special forces...SBS."
Trix: "ermmmmmmmmmmm"
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Now not having a bed for the night would normally be a bit of an issue. But not for Trix oh no suree.
1st train to Budapest 4am...
bar closes.. 4am... sorted!! well so I thought.
5:30! the next morning I'm woken up by some German coppers wanting to arrest me for vagrancy as I was passed out (with my kit this time) in the metro station (narrowly got out of it by producing a metro ticket) missed the train though...arse!
Next train to Buda of Pest... 9:30. I was still pissed/hang over starting woth 4 hours to wait until I could get some kip!!!! Bollocks (and thats how i felt aswell) probably shouldn't have had those 4 pints in the 2nd bar at 3am!!! oops.
More later folks...needing a beer.
S'laters
Quest for 'Pest
Ok so maybe I'm like 10 days behind with this but gonna get as much up now as possible before my fingers drop off.
The Return Ferry auf Stockholm
In a word - shit..
The Return Ferry auf Stockholm
In a word - shit..
- Different boat with NO WHERE to sit on deck getting hammered... again !
- No where quiet to crash down, fucking casinos everywhere.
- Crashed out on a park bench thing and kept getting woken up by some pissed up Fins checking if I was "alright"... I was until you woke me up for the third time you cock jockey
Basically it was a shit journey....but it was free so that made it OK. kind of. fucking nosy foreign pissed up arseholes.
Copenhagen
Spent a whole hour here!!
Things achieved:
- Found a Netto! =)
- Pissed off some shopkeeper trying to buy film for my camera (I'm not in the digital age yet!)
- Saw an activists march/protest waving triangular red flags... I left....very quickly...Yellow netto bag in tow....didn't wanna get caught up in any kind of thing like tat eg burning embassies and the like...
- Ate a BK
- Ended up with about a fiver in Danish bloody coins (why can't they have a paper currency) which are useless cus I no intention of going back there.
Things not achieved:
- Getting a bacon sarny.
Train to Munich
Had the sense to get a "couchette" (its a fold down bunk) for this train cus it was another long one to Munich via Copenhagen.
A moment of spontanuity made me wander into a completely random compartment full of swedes and try to convince them I was researching where everyone on the train was from....they wern't convinced but the look of curiosity/disgust on their faces made it all worth the while =D
The Austrian bloke in the compartment I was in spent a while telling me how he used to be a truck driver and most of the Austrian guys in the company used to drive hungover after sessioning the ferries!!!! Nutters!
Woke up in Munich.
4 Aug 2007
Land of Fin
Morning sports fans
Well its pretty far east in terms of Europe...... its neighbour's Russia and I had to change to another time zone!! omfg...
Only spent a couple of says here really, just in Turku.
After sleeping enough of my drunken state off to be able to walk again I finally left the ferry terminal some 6/7 hours after getting there. (its was raining aswell) =(
Hostel staff were pretty cool, the guy's spoke fluent english and theguy that did the nightshift was a metal head!! \m/ well it was Finland after all.
Origninal plan was to go to Helsinki then down across to Tallin in Estonia followed by Lativa, lithuania and Poland etc..
Well that was until I mentioned it to one the guys that helps run the hostel... the genral gist of what he said was
"you're going on your own?! are you fucking crazy?!"
the other thing he mentioned was that Tallin is the stereotypical harbour town eg full of crack and whore houses! that and wat happens there usually stays there.....sounds like a real honeypot!
Then there was the warnings of customs between the countries being somewhat corrupt (and not cheap either)
The Union Jack in my pack would go down just lovely if they found that!
Started looking like it might not be such a good idea to do the northern part of the old Eastern Block on my todsome.... then I looked at getting around and travelling about there eg getting through exceedingly quickly (with copious amounts of cheap paint-stripping death juice aka Vodka).
From Ye Goode Olde Lonelyus Planetus the impression of public transport and getting to border crossings was, to summarise quite accurately, complete bollocks.
Back to Stockholm on the booze cruise ferry for me the next day.
Finally parted ways with Liverpool lass cus she was going North & I was in a hurry to get the fuck outta Scandinavia.
Kinda strange not having anyone to hurl abuse at and offended by:
farting
or
picking my nose
or
not showering for more than a day (shower in a can is just so much less effort)
or
belching when eating
or
having a snoring competition with the fat batstard snoring machine a couple of tents away
or
swearing and being generally abusive/a complete arse to unhelpful foreigners
S'all for now folks,
S'laters
Well its pretty far east in terms of Europe...... its neighbour's Russia and I had to change to another time zone!! omfg...
Only spent a couple of says here really, just in Turku.
After sleeping enough of my drunken state off to be able to walk again I finally left the ferry terminal some 6/7 hours after getting there. (its was raining aswell) =(
Hostel staff were pretty cool, the guy's spoke fluent english and theguy that did the nightshift was a metal head!! \m/ well it was Finland after all.
Origninal plan was to go to Helsinki then down across to Tallin in Estonia followed by Lativa, lithuania and Poland etc..
Well that was until I mentioned it to one the guys that helps run the hostel... the genral gist of what he said was
"you're going on your own?! are you fucking crazy?!"
the other thing he mentioned was that Tallin is the stereotypical harbour town eg full of crack and whore houses! that and wat happens there usually stays there.....sounds like a real honeypot!
Then there was the warnings of customs between the countries being somewhat corrupt (and not cheap either)
The Union Jack in my pack would go down just lovely if they found that!
Started looking like it might not be such a good idea to do the northern part of the old Eastern Block on my todsome.... then I looked at getting around and travelling about there eg getting through exceedingly quickly (with copious amounts of cheap paint-stripping death juice aka Vodka).
From Ye Goode Olde Lonelyus Planetus the impression of public transport and getting to border crossings was, to summarise quite accurately, complete bollocks.
Back to Stockholm on the booze cruise ferry for me the next day.
Finally parted ways with Liverpool lass cus she was going North & I was in a hurry to get the fuck outta Scandinavia.
Kinda strange not having anyone to hurl abuse at and offended by:
farting
or
picking my nose
or
not showering for more than a day (shower in a can is just so much less effort)
or
belching when eating
or
having a snoring competition with the fat batstard snoring machine a couple of tents away
or
swearing and being generally abusive/a complete arse to unhelpful foreigners
S'all for now folks,
S'laters
3 Aug 2007
The Finland `hic´ Ferry
Took a few hours to find a pisser.......
Anyhoo back onto subject - the ferry to Finland with the Liverpool lass!
It started off really well for a change. The lass in the ferry ticket office place insisted that we didn't pay anthing for the crossing because we both had rail passes..not even a booking fee!
Bonus - more money for the duty free!
Ferry left Stockholm @ 20:15 and arrived in Turku, Finland abut 12 hours later.
An attempt to get a cancelled cabin on the ferry failed cus the rail passes also get a cabin if there any but as once on the ferry there were plenty of other people to fleece they wouldn't let us have one. robbing corporate bastards.
Not to worry though because we/I was quite content with sitting at the back of the ferry on the deck drinking my duty free purchases... cans of sprite & a pint of Jägermeister .....
Got a bit nippy so put on ye olde sleeping bag with boots sticking out of the other end god bless two way zips! (wasn't until about 2am when it got too cold for just shorts though =S)
Once sitting on deck got a bit tooo cold/I'd polished off all the Jägermeister/ about 5am... apparantly. (I don't really know cus I was shit-faced!) an appropriate location for crashing was needed or rather a bit of floor in a quiet area.
Highlights of the crossing::
Anyhoo back onto subject - the ferry to Finland with the Liverpool lass!
It started off really well for a change. The lass in the ferry ticket office place insisted that we didn't pay anthing for the crossing because we both had rail passes..not even a booking fee!
Bonus - more money for the duty free!
Ferry left Stockholm @ 20:15 and arrived in Turku, Finland abut 12 hours later.
An attempt to get a cancelled cabin on the ferry failed cus the rail passes also get a cabin if there any but as once on the ferry there were plenty of other people to fleece they wouldn't let us have one. robbing corporate bastards.
Not to worry though because we/I was quite content with sitting at the back of the ferry on the deck drinking my duty free purchases... cans of sprite & a pint of Jägermeister .....
Got a bit nippy so put on ye olde sleeping bag with boots sticking out of the other end god bless two way zips! (wasn't until about 2am when it got too cold for just shorts though =S)
Once sitting on deck got a bit tooo cold/I'd polished off all the Jägermeister/ about 5am... apparantly. (I don't really know cus I was shit-faced!) an appropriate location for crashing was needed or rather a bit of floor in a quiet area.
Highlights of the crossing::
- Drinking copious amounts of duty-free alcohol
- Singing various popular & appropriate songs badly and very loudly (charlie was a pigeon, Rule Britannia, Come Sail Away...Hakkuna Matatta....)
- Shouting "Achtung! Schell, schnell! Dive. Dive. Dive" at the lovey dovey young couple next to us until they sodded off.
- Hmming The Dambusters March when they did sod off. =D
- Talking to some Russians, aswell as drinking their wine (and I don't even like wine...but it was free!)
- Listening to said russian sing opera (he was really good) and got given their email addresses if we ever needed a sponsor to get a Russian tourist's visa!
- Been woken up by a couple of ma-hoo-sive Security guards cus I was sleeping in a lift (with sleeping bag & carry mat!)
- Being asked by said security guards where my stuff actaully was and replying "Its either floor 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 or 8!"
- Getting off the ferry after a whle 1 hours kip still thoroughly hammered.
- managing to negotiate stairs, running kids & a surging mob of tourists with pack on without falling over...just swayed a bit....
- Crashed (being the opperative word) down in ferry terminal to sleep it off/was unable to walk any further.
Then there was Finland but my fingers hurt so I'll put that up in a couple of days time.
and its happy hour in a bit =D
Stay tuned sports fans!
S'laters..
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