Ø When there’s always at least one space free either side of you in lectures, its time to have a shower.
Ø Use a little bit of everyone else’s shower gel each time (this should stop them noticing.
Ø Never take any change when catching the bus, there’s always a good friend on hand to help.
Ø Walk/Cycle/Hitchhike everywhere.
Ø Food without blue & white stripes is too expensive.
Ø Always offer to make other people a brew. They’ll assume you used your own milk/sugar/tea bag; so use there’s! (This also works with washing up liquid etc…)
Ø The 4 levels of boxer shorts:
o Level 1 – Clean pair out of the draw
o Level 2 – Cleanest smelling pair in laundry basket
o Level 3 – Turned inside out
o Level 4 – Go commando.
Ø When signing forms; keep the pen.
Ø Keep old copies of The Metro. Once you’ve used everyone else’s bog roll - Read & “recycle”
Ø Befriend foreign students and explain pub “etiquette” and drinking customs.
Ø Air freshener is cheap than deodorant.
Ø Convert old trousers to shorts.
Ø Create a “budget” with Excel for use when negotiating with
Ø The canteen is an excellent resource for sugar, salt, pepper & cutlery.
Ø Use McDonald’s/Subway vouchers found on the back of bus tickets.
Ø Drink with half pissed people, they’re much more likely to forget it’s your round. (Works best if you buy first round). Move on to next boozer if they start to get wise.
Ø Blag discounts on anything & everything by getting the battered tin of beans you can find. (Discreet DIY may be required).
Ø Attend careers/religious fairs to stock on freebies and samples. (prepare some kind of theological argument to avoid becoming one of “Them”)
Ø Convince people they’ll get fat/ill when they’re eating or gross them out. Bon Appetite! (also good for a diverse diet)
Ø Check into NHS Rehab over the summer.
Ø Choose a course that features a trip to a foreign country. Stock up on cheap tobacco/alcohol.
Please note that the author neither supports nor condones some of the behaviours described above and will not accept liability for anyone copying or mimicking the contents of this post.
The above information is provided solely for the entertainment of the reader.
