Found all hostels full because me and Liverpool lass (whom will instantly ripp your throat out and protest that its actually Formby) had arrived on the eve of the start of the Tall Ships Races so everyone and there 3rd cousin had booked all the hostels. So it was to the camping ground thats actuall a sports stadium for us, we got there and it started to fucking pour like you've never seen, got thorughly soaked. Naturaly it stopped the intant my tent was up and then started again as soon as I'd a shower. Twating arse weather coming over from Britain.
Whilst watching him cook meatballs and chips in the same frying pan' a Crazy Fench guy asked us if we fancied hiring a canoe with him as its meant to be the best way to see stockholm. We agree to do it in a couple of days.
Next day had a nice look around Stockholm, went in the National Museum, the receptionist basically told us to sod off cus there were closing in like 45 minutes! Bitch was ignored.
Turns out some big Swedish director had died that day cus a news crew interviewed me about his "influnence" admitted not having the faintist idea who he was but "arty farty" types in England probably due.
Its a nice place, fairly big but prob not bigger than Sheffield.
The Canoe Chronicles
- Hired one canadian canoe for about a tenner each (not bad by scandinavian standards)
- Paddled around immediate area like everyone else
- Headed up river
- Avoided paying at lock by carrying canoe up 2 flights of stairs , across to busy main roads, avoiding a bus in the process, back down another flight of steps, put canoe back in water, paddled off on merry way
- Got picture taken during this by a couple of hundred Japanese tourists...
- Realised there wasa tunnel
- Paddled umpteen kilometers upstream into the wind stopping at various "beaches" on the way to admire the view.
- Hurled abuse at arsehole speedbaoter who tried to capsize us.
- Used Crazy Frenchie's (who's name I cant pronounce) swiss tool to lop down a small tree to make a mast
- Scavenged some shoe lace form the inside of a locked beach hut. Avoided prying OAP during this as methods may not have been entirely legal.
- used one times Trix's coat to make sail.
- paddled further upstream, stop at another island, explore, took Frecnhie's shortcut back to boat eg walk in straight line thorugh bracken brambles etc etc...
- Flipped a coin to decide on heading back or further upstream
- Paddled back down stream.
- Raised mast to discover wind had buggered off... typical
- Paddled like a nymph to a brothel to avoid approaching rainstorm.
- Found shelter/bar just in time
- Had a pint, explained the mast to locals
- Got canoe stuck between fence and vertical girder avoiding lock again. Covered everything in pigeon shit. Gave Frenchie 2 fingers for getting it on my coat. . .and nose.
- Found jeti gate locked.
- Ate liquorice and flumps while waiting for frenchie to return from breaking into restricted lock operating area to collar lock keeper for key.
- Find out lock keeper thought our morning escapaded crossing the rode was quite funny!
- Laughed at Liverpool lass for getting locked on the shore side of the gate cus she went to the toilet!
- Told her to wait 50 feet down side of dock where escape ladder was. (assumed "yes" meant "I understand what a foot is"
- Found said lass 50 Yards further down dock after having to climb ladder and vaulted locked gate.
- Showed Liverpool lass where we actually meant. Explained what a foot was and found gate now open after Frenchie had been twatting it with a paddle.
- Got collared by coastguard, made big gestures towards river where we going and not the main ferry shipping lane. Paddled off before getting reply.
- Got a lot of attention fomr Tall Ships crews as we paddled past. Exchnaged taunts and general hollering. Also entertained on looking Tall Ships tourists (with cameras) with mast lashed to rear of canoe with coat/sail on.
- Returned canoe with mast attached to hire place. Walked off calmly & squelching from being piss wet through!
Ended up cooking dinner on hexastove using bits of Daily Mail, a tea light and some bike inner tube for fuel cus I'd used it all up in Norway and cant get it out here. Bought a pocket Trangia the next day and farted about with double headed battle axe in a shop!
During a session of cards and vodka, Liverpool Lass cohersed me into to going to Finland on a 12 hour ferry the next day. I was aiming to be in Poland 2 days previously.
Still to come: The Finland Ferry! stay tuned cus I need a piss!
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